That Gormandizer Man

A new receipt system

Here in the UK we're very good at using scapegoats to save us the brain power in having to think about the bigger picture. Take the whole 'be more ethical' movement. It's a massively complex situation that involves politics, religion, multi-national corporations and a few billion people.

Yet in the UK, it's apparently all the fault of the plastic bag. As soon as Anya Hindmarch launched a fashion line that touched on it, it was instantly on the front pages of the press. The plastic bag was the reason the planet was falling apart.

When I studied my MA a few years back I focused on ethicality and packaging, so I do know how bad plastic bags can be for the planet. It's obvious really: use less packaging, and make sure the stuff you do use is biodegradable and recyclable. But that goes with all packaging, not just plastic bags and I'm happy to see this being addressed now. A few years ago people were happily turning down free plastic bags but then proceeding to buy individually wrapped bananas...

But I think there's a new kid on the block that seems to have slipped through the net.

I'm always very careful when it comes to plastic bags and I only get them when I need them. I try and balance out being given plastic bags with not buying black bin bags. So most of the time I'll refrain from accepting a plastic bag. However, the majority of the time I simply do not need a receipt. Let's face it, when you buy some shower gel or some dried fruit, you rarely take the item back. Yet over the weekend when I bought those items I ended up with 4 very large pieces of paper with information on them that was simply of no interest to me. I can understand a receipt with some goods, of course, but not for all.

Why can't I have some information built into my credit/ debit card that tells the till to send an electronic version of my receipt to an email address? That way I can log in if I need it, and I'm not lumbered with having to store pieces of paper, and the environment benefits too? Is that too much to ask? And if I pay with cash why can't I have a Tesco Clubcard style key fob? I tap it on the till and it sends my email address a receipt of the transaction?

Am I missing something and this has been done already? It seems so simple...

Being better than acceptable

I visited The Diner the other day for a spot of breakfast. You know the one(s) - fake American eatery that serves a half-decent burger, in fake American surroundings with twee 80s music on?

When I was in there, something rather mundane happened that got me thinking.

I'm sat there eating my poached eggs and I can hear the waitress behind me talking to the customers in the booth behind me:

Waitress: "I'm sorry, but we can't give you the freshly squeezed orange juice you ordered. We've ran out of oranges because of the bank holiday weekend. We do have concentrated juice we can give you."

On one level this is understandable and we've all heard something similar before. Most people would accept this and order a replacement drink. Not a biggie huh?

However, whilst munching on my £8 breakfast of pancakes, eggs and streaky bacon, it occurred to me what had in fact just happened. It's quite simple when you look at it in cold rational terms:

• We were in Central London.
• Oranges exist.
• There is a greengrocers opposite.
• There are 2 Tesco stores within 5 minutes walk.
• There is a Sainsbury's 7 minutes walk away.

You see, what the waitress in The Diner was actually saying was: "Our preferred supplier of oranges cannot deliver any new oranges until tomorrow. We do not want to go and buy oranges for you. It may eat into our profit margin, and the product may be slightly different because the oranges may be different. In this case, we'd rather let you down than change our business practices."

 

Some of you may be sitting there may be thinking I'm taking this a little too far. Well, I don't think I am. Within a 10 minute walk, I could have walked to a dozen other places for breakfast and had freshly squeezed orange juice. That's what the customer asked for but was let down by The Diner.

The message is quite simple really: If you're a brand, over-deliver on your promises.

• If you do not deliver on your promises, then you're letting the customer down. That's bad. They'll tell people they know about their bad experience. People love a good moan and they'll let a load of people know why they don't like you.
• If you deliver what you say you're going to deliver you're merely fulfilling your contract with a customer. It's a business transaction. Unemotional. Efficient. Profitable. People will buy the product(s) but will they engage with the brand? Who wants to engage with something cold, calculated and unemotional? Will they even remember doing it?
• If you over-deliver on your promises then you're truly adding value to a relationship. Let me know you value my input, whether it's money, time or effort (or all three). If I feel welcome somewhere I'll go back. I'll continue to spend money and I'll tell other people why I go there. You're making my time on this planet that little bit better. Of course you're only a brand and you should know the limits, but thanks for making me a little bit happier in these hectic times.

In this case, the brand of 'The Diner' is more concerned with itself as a business rather than a place that treats paying customers as the most important factor. It was looking at cold, rational numbers and not emotional beings. In the end, the customer that didn't get his orange juice will remember his experience negatively from a product point of view. If they'd over-delivered he'd have remembered the experience from a brand point of view in a positive light.

Are your clients over-delivering on their promises, or are they merely fulfilling their side of the contract?

A burger in San Francisco

Second up in the Food and Drink section. A burger in San Francisco over Christmas last year.

This was taken in the superb Mo's Burgers in North Beach.

One of the things I love about the USA is the design of diners and bars. You can happily sit at the counter, chat to the people working behind the counters and learn a lot about the place and the people.

That's what I did at Mo's. I also chatted to an elderly couple at the counter for a while. They were telling me of all the places they'd lived in San Francisco and how the districts differ. Very interesting. Something that stuck in my mind was that I introduced myself with a Christian name only, yet they introduced themselves with their full names. Pretty normal in the US but it just reminded me of the fact.

The food you see is a cheeseburger (with swiss cheese) and fries. What you can't see is the huuuuge milkshake and root beers I also had. I know - that's a lot of food and drink - but I wanted to try a bit of everything.

It was probably the best burger I've eaten. I had a long walk after searching for Dirty Harry locations to walk it off.

Food and Drink

When I go to places - alone and with friends - I like to try and grab a little taste of what it was like. A little memento if you like. I don't really want to introduce it any more than that. Each time I'm going to post a pic and a paragraph, more than not just so I can remember the situations.

First up - my recent short trip to Krakow.

This was the last night of my trip. I thought I'd splash out on some 'expensive' food (contextually) so I opted for the 'Old Polish style roast stag with the sound of the trumpet' and was rewarded in spectacular style. The waiter delivered the food whilst blowing a trumpet, and delivered the food on a plate that sits on a slice of tree-trunk. A stag skull was embedded into this, and on that was resting some breaded vegetables on a skewer. That's what I'm talking about. And all for 59zl... about £11.

Walks of Life

People are a curious breed. As a Planner and because I'm a person too, I'm very interested in people.

I think sometimes, Planning can be as simple as two steps:

1) Trying to understand (relevant) people;
2) So you can (hopefully) manipulate them into doing what you would like.

I actually think it's (more or less) as simple as that. (We can read as many blogs as we like, go to as many IPA meetings as we like, read obscure out of print books from Charing Cross Rd, so we can use words and cite sociologists no one has ever heard of... but we'll probably still be trying to achieve 1 + 2 above.)

I love part one, but am less enamored by part two if I don't fully buy into the reason (or brand) behind the manipulation. (Oh, and by the way, I don't mean manipulation in a negative sense.)

Part one really fascinates me. We can use lots of tools to learn about the people we want to learn about. There are qualitative and quantitative things we can use. (I bet you're loving this lesson of 'Planning for Idiots'...) Me? Well, I like to use the relevant tools. And the relevancy is determined by lots of factors that I won't go into now - that's a post for later.

I've mentioned previously that I'm passionate about trying to understand people from outside the industry. Of getting their opinions on stuff. Of hearing things from their perspective. Of finding out their opinions on advertising and marketing.

So as a new part of the blog I'm starting a new section where I'm basically going to formalise some chats I have with friends, family and acquantainces that I think have some cool stuff to say. There are going to be two parts to the chats - the first part will be them talking about what they do for a living, how they do it, why they do it and all that jazz. The second part will be them talking about advertising and marketing. What are their opinions on the stuff we do for a living? Do they even notice it? What grabbed their attention recently? etc (Of course the precise questions will change from person to person.)

So far I'm making contact with a: Professional comedian, Forensic psychologist, Betting shop manager, Builder, Member of a semi-professional band, and others. (It's funny listing friends and family like that.)

If you have any interesting people you'd like to put forward, or if you'd like to suggest questions for these people then email me or message me on twitter. Hopefully we'll end up with some really interesting stuff.

No SALE to see here

So at the moment I'm currently like over 2 million other people in the UK - I'm unemployed.

Who knows for how long? There are various things floating around that may turn into something tomorrow, next week or in a few months. They may turn into zero. As it is, I'm very philosophical about it all and am using it as an education. How cliche of me.

When you're working in agencyland you become consumed by all the things going on in the industry. What I've decided is that I'm going to be a human being for a while. I've decided not to blog as much, not to tweet as much and to look at the industry from the outside as opposed to being part of it from the inside. Planning is about people, and I know it's a shock to some out there - but not all people work in agencies, give a toss about agencies and really couldn't give a flying fuck which agency has just won the account for FMCG Newboy. (There - I've said it. Make yourself a coffee and think over that for a while.)

It's really interesting how your whole mentality changes when you're in this situation. All my life I've been employed, worked hard, studied hard and added value everywhere I've worked and my CV and recommendations reflect this. Of course, you don't take it personally - especially when you're a Planner. To the powers that be, you're a number. You're Profit or Loss. To improve your chances of being Profit then you need to work hard and be managed well in a business where you're valued. Sometimes this doesn't work out and you end up being the fall guy for the mistakes of others. In the great scheme of things, this means very little. (The recession will sort out the wheat from the chaff: the leaders who make good decisions will thrive and the leader that make bad decisions will flounder. Natural selection.)

Ironically, one of the things I have found very interesting is how being unemployed is similar to being a Planner.

When you're a Planner, you:

• Interrogate brand values;
• Look at TOV;
• Conduct SWOT analysis on the brand;
• Question how the brand is positioned vs its competitors;
• Question the target demographic;
• Look at how much the brand can participate in engagement;
• Question the pricepoint.

When you're looking for a job, you:

• Interrogate your values: What is my integrity telling me to do? Do I ignore my integrity for money? Is my PoL more important than my values?
• Look at TOV: Am I relaying what I'm all about in the correct manner? Do people really get what I'm all about? Do I change my TOV for different audiences or stand up for what I believe in?
• Conduct SWOT analysis: What am I good at? Where do I need to improve? In my next role, what will make me progress?
• Question brand positioning: Am I really the level I think I am? What about all the people taking pay cuts? Can I add value at that level?
• Question target demographic: Am I looking at the right people at the right agencies to speak to? Do I respect them? Do I think I can add value to them, and can they add value to me?
• Brand engagement: Do I schmooze with strangers more, or would I be lying to myself by doing that? Would they want to be part of a conversation with me when it's obvious I'm feeling around for a job? What benefits do they get out of a conversation with me?
• Pricepoint: Am I worth what I think I'm worth? Am I being arrogant by not working for free on a 'placement' when so many others are?

Going through these questions has only strengthened my resolve.

I used to work on an FMCG brand that was the victim of trying to offer itself to too many people. It reduced its pricepoint temporarily and sales went up. When they increased the prices again sales slumped. More sales promotions ensued and it's now caught in a vicious circle of perpetually being on an offer of some kind. It lowered it's sights and is suffering. At this point, I don't want to do that. I believe in my product too much to put myself on sale.

What's more important to me, however, is that every good brand should benefit the people buying it.

If it is marketed well, fine. If it has a good TOV, fine. But, the proof is in the pudding. If the product is good, lives up to what it stands for, offers the consumer a benefit - then people will buy it. I wonder who will the consumer of my product? Time will tell...

Lisbon Half Marathon 2009

So I've been back a week now. I've not ran since the race in Lisbon. I seem to do that after big runs.

When I've broken the back of lethargy for so long and been training for something then it's all too easy to fall back out of the habit and for lethargy to kick in. As it is, at the moment, I just don't fancy going for a run. I know I would enjoy it when I got out there, but actually preparing for it? Mentally preparing for it? Putting my kit on? Physically preparing for it? Nah, not at the moment thanks. Maybe tomorrow...

And that right there is when you fall down a notch, people. It's when lethargy beats you.

I'm sat here trying to convince myself that I deserve a bit of time for my body to recover, but I know it's just because I'm lazy at the moment. I reckon later this week my body will react and I'll get out.

Anyway, the Lisbon Half Marathon was ace. I set out to try and run it in under 2 hours. In the end I managed it in 1:47.

I was happy with that because it was hot. I think it was about 23 degrees. It meant that when I finished I was a sweaty mess.

There's a great feeling toward the end of a race. You know you're going to make it. Better than that, you know you're going to make it within your target time. It's quite an emotional moment. On this race, that point for me was with about 2km to go.

My body was knackered. You know you're running like Hunter and Gonzo on ether, but you're willing yourself to get to the end. To achieve your goals - whatever they be. My goals this time were to finish within 2 hours, and not to stop throughout the run. With 2km to go I knew I was going to achieve this. At this point, something magical happened. As I was running alone I had my iPod shuffle on and Won't Get Fooled Again popped on. Magic. I think I actually sped up.

On this course, you double back on yourself and you run past the finish in the wrong direction two thirds of the way round, so it's a real mental battle to keep on going. When you pass that finish you're running further and further away from it and more accomplished runners are running on the other side of the road toward the finish line. The further away from the finish you head, you're hoping that around every bend you'll see the runners in front of you turning around. When you do eventually see that it's a beautiful sight and it lifts your spirits.

When you can see the finish line you put every last ounce of energy and determination into it and you push your body to its limits. Your legs are on fire, your lungs are burning and your jaw starts hurting. (Sounds funny I know but you've been clenching your teeth for so long it actually starts hurting.) You go as fast as your body will take you. You focus on the line. You make sure you get your foot down solidly on the line so the chip on your shoe registers your time. You turn your own watch off... and...

... well, that's it.

For nearly 2 hours you've been focused on a place you're trying to get to, and then you're there. There are no fireworks, no marching bands. Just you, your sweat, your burning lungs and your aching limbs. You've been running for so long that when you stop it's difficult to stand still. Your body doesn't understand that for nearly 2 hours you've been pushing it so hard only for you to stop quickly without giving it any warning. It's a strange feeling that.

So I enjoyed it. I got a sunburnt head, my vertigo wasn't happy at all when I ran over a very high bridge, I inhaled Powerade and the organisation of the race wasn't too good (starting the fun run at the same time as a half marathon is not a good idea) but it was great.

Me and Rory were chatting the other day and we're thinking Amsterdam may be the next one in October. If I can break the back of lethargy again then I'll look forward to that.

Thanks to everyone that sponsored me. It's money that is all going to a very good cause.

How London buses are numbered - TfL come up trumps!

I tweeted yesterday that I'd received the most interesting email I'd ever been sent. I think that's still true.

As a Planner, I'm supposed to be interested in everything. Well, regardless of whether I should or shouldn't be interested in everything, I am. It's just the person I am. When I don't fully understand something, I try and find the answer or some context to the subject.

Last week I was waiting for the bus and wondered why they are numbered as they are, and why some have letters in front of a number.

I emailed the following note to TfL:

I just have a simple question that I'm hoping you can explain to me. Most buses are a number, but some are letters and numbers. So I catch the number 55 to work. But I also see the C2 when I'm around Old Street.

I'm just wondering can you explain the number system to me please? And also, who decides which number goes on which route?

Thanks

Well, yesterday I received this response. I'm pasting it verbatim (but anonymising the member of staff as he may not want his name made public):

We appreciate the importance of route numbers to London's bus passengers. They might be described as the shop window by which passengers recognise a route. In some cases - particularly with regard the long-established routes - a particular number may even evoke affection.

The numbering of London's bus routes has evolved slowly since the earliest days of regular bus operation in the capital. In a few instances, it is possible to trace the lineage of sections of existing routes back to their identically numbered predecessors from horse-drawn days. You may be interested to know that in 2 years time one London bus route will incontrovertibly reach its centenary. Route 24 first started operating between Pimlico and Hampstead Heath
under The General Omnibus Company in 1911, and since then the route has been subject only to minor changes to accommodate one-way systems.

There is a tradition for route planners within Transport for London and its forerunner organisations deliberately to respect the past by re-using numbers that have local historic associations. That is the case with route 55 that you mention. It was first introduced between Central London and Leyton during a major service re-organisation around forty years ago. Its number was a deliberate echo of a trolleybus route 555 that had run along Old Street to Hackney and beyond some years previously, and also of the tram route 55 that the trolleybus had replaced.

London Transport operated the capital's buses in various guises between 1933 and 1984. Until 1970 the organisation also had responsibility for routes in a doughnut-like ring of the outer surrounding countryside. The routes that served this area utilised numbers between 300 and 499, and 800 between and 899, with the 700 series set aside for Green Line coaches. With the resulting pressure on available numbers for new routes in the Central area (operated by red buses), in 1968 London Transport first started using the system of prefix numbers that continues to this day. The idea is that the prefix letter should designate the place around which the routes cluster - P for Peckham in the case of routes P4, P5, and P13; E  for Ealing in the case of series E1 to E11, for instance. The C in C2 stands for Central. The prefix 'N', however, denotes a night bus.

Now, with over 700 routes within Greater London alone, it is necessary for us to maintain this system. When we introduce a new route - or make alterations to an existing route by splitting it - the last digit or digits of the historic 'parent' route are used wherever possible, so that passengers might associate the incoming route with its predecessor. This was the case in 2003, for instance, when route 414 was chosen as the number for the new route between Maida Hill and Putney Bridge, which was intended to augment route historic route 14 south of Hyde Park Corner. 

How interesting is that!? What I love about it most is the passion which the person obviously has about the subject. He has managed to turn something that could be quite mundane into something that is compelling because of his passion for the subject. Brilliant.

My first thought on receiving this was "why can't all encounters with TfL be as this rewarding"... but that's a post for a different time.

What it also reminded me of is how much we take the web for granted. I didn't want to scour google for the answer, I wanted it from the horses mouth. I fired off an email and received a superb reply quickly. We shouldn't forget how easy it is to find answers to things. They may just be an email away.

I'd like to publicly thank the chap for making me enjoy something that could easily have turned into another bad experience with a brand.

thetrainline.com - FAIL part two

So after writing about thetrainline.com over here, I received a comment on the post telling me they were looking into it and would respond 'in the next 24-48 hours.' I've just got their email, some 167 hours after the comment was posted. The delay was due to 'intermittent email issues.'

I'll precis what was in the email:

1) The problems with the system offering me trains that were fully booked is because they feed off the National Reservation System, and it can be three hours old. All other booking sites feed off this too.
2) The helpful error notice (Error E00328) is for their benefit, so they can figure out what my problem is quickly.

That's kind of it. They neglected to mention this other stuff that I also talked about: Why am I paying a booking fee? Why did they neglect to mention the £2.50 credit card fee? Why can't I add in the promotional code on the payment page to save me re-entering the same info again?

This bit confused me: "The telephone number (0870 010 1296) displayed with the error message and on our contact page is correct, however on Friday we had a problem with our telephony system for 40minutes, therefore callers to this number during this period would have been directed to another number, so we’re sorry this happened."

For starters, I called them on a Monday, not a Friday. How is this pertinent to me? Secondly, it does nothing to address the issue that I'm still paying for the call every time I call them to give them money for a ticket. Money from me for my ticket, money from me for the booking fee, money from me for the credit card fee, and money from me when I call to pay for the above.

Now that I've addressed my personal issues we should crack on with the marketing stuff... oh come on, you know that's why you like coming here!

All the trainline.com have succeeded in doing is making a statement of what their stance is and what went wrong with my visit to them. Granted they said sorry, but that's not enough most of the time and it's definitely not enough when there's a recession on and you're a middle-man with nothing extra to offer than going direct to the product.

They told me why some things don't work as seamlesssly as we'd like, but they've made no mention about how they're going to improve the system. So we can assume that the problems I had could happen next time. If that's the case, why would I go back if I felt compelled to write a negative blog post after my last experience?

There was not a single question mark in the email. A simple thing really, but a question mark means they want my reply. My reply to their email means a conversation. Their email with no question marks means a statement and they're not inviting my input. So why we were all having a conversation about it, they're not bothered about joining in. They've said their bit, and that's the end of it. Not a sensible move, thetrainline.com. You know when you're telling a child something they don't want to hear and they put their fingers in their ears and shout "I can't hear you! I can't hear you!"...

When will brands realise that people offering views and experiences in public is a great opportunity to learn something about your brand and to turn a negative experience into a positive one? Talk to me, not at me.

So there we go. I'm a Northerner living down south. I have family in the North East, I have a season ticket to Newcastle United and you know what? I don't have a car. That means I use trains a lot. Solely for that reason I feel compelled to write: thetrainline.com as a website - FAIL. Feeling like a valued friend of thetrainline.com - FAIL

Originality then relevancy, in that order

As I write this, there's a bit of a discussion going on over at Twitter (as tends to happen) about the new Skittles site. For future posterity here's a screengrab because I'm not sure how long it's going to be around for.

 
(To take a line from Mr. Terrett:"There's the site. Just up there. Interesting, isn't it?")

You see, what they've done is popped a little layer over other sites that mention them. Notably Twitter and Wikipedia. It means that when anyone mentions 'Skittles' in Twitter, it appears in the background.

Now, the point of this post isn't to critique that site as such. It's more of a discussion around two basic schools of thought:

1. Think of an idea and apply it to your brand;
2. Have your brand and apply it to an idea.

Or, expressed in a rush with a pen:

 
(Yes, yes... I know the shading on the 'X' is wrong. I was rushing, OK? And I know ImprovEverywhere aren't really a brand as such - that's why i put those little marks around them...)

Think of an idea and apply it to your brand
This is the most exciting of the two. You've more chance of something truly original and groundbreaking happening. You think about the problem, and you try and express your thoughts in a way that is suitable to the brand. This is difficult, and it will take time, deep thinking, lots of reading and probably some kind of 'eureka!' moment. Whilst the two are obviously inextricably linked, I'd say: Ideas first, brand second. Possibly not what the client wants to hear, but they won't kick up a fuss when you win awards, their buzz rating goes through the roof and everyone is talking about a drumming gorilla with wiggly eyebrows on an airport truck. Hopefully...

Have your brand and apply it to an idea
I'd say this is the one we see more often. Look around for inspiration, evolve it, change it, make it relevant to your brand. Or, as some others have done: Look around for inspiration, whack your brand logo on it, bishbashbosh thankyouverymuch client, where's our fee? Now, this second route shouldn't be discounted. We are all inspired by a plethora of things in different ways, and we (consciously and sub-consciously) express these inspirations every time we write a brief and produce creative. What I will say about this route, though, is that context and relevancy are key. If you're back-fitting your brand into an idea that already exists, then there has to be a good reason and it has to be a good fit. If not, it's simply a Copy/ Paste job.

You see, I reckon the Skittles thing is an example of a poor number two. It's not an original idea at all, as some of us have said. Modernista may have something to say about that. And, worse than that, it's not even really relevant. Loads of other brands could have produced something very very similar and they'd be just as relevant as Skittles. For that reason, I reckon Skittles is in the worst position possible on my radar:

• Good Position to be in #1: Impress me with something truly original and engaging.
• Good Position to be in #2: Impress me with something that is inspired by other stuff, but is relevant to your brand.
• Good Position to be in #3: Annoy the hell out of me. I may not like it, but I'm talking about it and I remember it.
• Bad Position to be in: Do something that I really couldn't give a toss about. It's neither here nor there. It's a non-campaign. You've spent the budget, but the campaign is beige. MOR. You're the Coldplay of the Advertising/ Marketing world.

So, the long and short of it? Be brave and think deeply, or you'll be Coldplay. Skittles are well and truly signed up to a big label, playing at the O2 and holding lighters aloft.